What is your creative monster?

This post is about facing creative monsters, which are the big creative visions you have for yourself (but that you’re afraid of actually doing).

I’ve avoided my creative monsters for over 20 years…

There’s usually more than one reason we’re scared of pursuing a vision (fear of failure, fear of success, self doubt, the ‘cringe’ factor…the list goes on).

My biggest fears and struggles (and simultaneously my biggest dreams) are:

1. Being an artist — selling artwork and having shows

2. Playing live music — releasing finished music

3. Being my full self (on camera and in branding)

There it is. Those are my monsters.

Now, let’s talk about failure and success.

I’m not sure who said it first (Ed Sheeran comes to mind), but “Success teaches you nothing.”

We learn everything by first failing.

It’s an idea we all know and have heard plenty before. But I never truly felt it (much less listened to its advice).

The past couple of months though, I’ve been experiencing a lot of setbacks. And I’ve realized something — I’ve been pretty dang lazy with my creative monster.

Ignoring it, avoiding it…convincing myself that it’s not for me or just another childhood pipe dream from my Peter Pan days.

Because not practicing, ignoring my weaknesses and avoiding the big vision I have deep down is way easier and comfortable (compared to uncomfortably failing, fumbling and stumbling in public).

But I realized that — despite me not trying — my vision persisted. It keeps me up some nights and it remains an annoying nagging voice in the back of my mind.

The monster lives down a trail I’ve avoided hiking my whole life.

Do I go down this path? Is it really necessary? Is destiny real?

Facing creative monsters — how I lost my way

Sometimes, things need to completely fall apart for me to really get the message.

There are lessons in the debris of crumbling projects. Setbacks, mistakes and feeling like you’re doing something “wrong” are brutal (but effective) teachers.

Recent changes in the content and blogging industry have left me feeling jaded.

My original passion for blogging has turned into a sort of nihilistic “why bother?” mood. My traffic continues to disappear and my motivation continues to wane as we transition into a new content model.

Adapt or die.

But I’m tired.

I need to change and update my strategies (so I can appear in LLMs and AI overviews).

But this situation (a perceived failure) that I’m experiencing has given me a chance to hit pause and reflect on things…

I started writing online to share my thoughts and journey on becoming a musician and artist.

Go back to my very first posts and you’ll see how different they are.

I talked about my creative vision and the artistic projects I was building. I talked about becoming a creator and blending music with art.

None of that happened.

So what did happen?

Somehow along the way, I just become a write — a lifestyle/travel blogger.

That’s an amazing creative vision, but it was never mine.

Because in pursuing this goal, I stopped pursuing my true artistic visions (my monsters).

The thing is, I do enjoy blogging.

But I ignored my other core passions in the process of building my blog world. And as I watch that blog world crumble, I somehow don’t feel anything.

I don’t feel like I’m losing critical pieces of my ego, personality or brand.

Why is that?

My love for public journaling (about the creative travel life) turned into a safety net. It was enough creativity to scratch my itch…but not enough to feel completely fulfilled.

Also, if I’m being honest, blogging became less about creativity and more about completing some marketing checklist to optimize for keywords to rank in Google.

I forgot about my initial quest — to be an artist.

My dream from when I was a kid was gathering dust. I’ve avoided it because blogging is easy and safe (*for me). Being an artist is hard and scary (*for me).

We all have that creative monster (that thing you truly deep down want and deserve, but are fearful of trying to do).

It’s time to face the monster(s).

I will continue to blog and write on this newsletter. But I want to share more raw stories about my journey and the creative takeaways I gather. Not for SEO or popping up in ChatGPT — but for the human on the other side of this screen (for you).

I want to create something real and authentic and aligned. A true glimpse into life as I see and perceive it.

Blogging became a way for me to postpone the things I truly want to embody…but was too afraid of fully trying.

I took the safe route. And I have more anxiety for it.

Luckily, we all still have time. You’re not too old and you have everything you need.

I’ve always struggled with imposter syndrome, a lack of self belief and low creative confidence my whole life.

Maybe you can relate.

Every attempt I made towards my artistic vision was half-hearted, misaligned, inconsistent, aimless or ultimately “failed”…thus validating my suspicions that I am in fact “not good enough”…

I’ve always held back.

I’ve been lazy, avoiding the work because it is uncomfortable. Growing hurts and requires focus and time.

Success is painful.

Many sacrifices are needed…quietly working alone, taking risks and jumping into unknowns…

Skipping social affairs to instead draw in a sketchbook will inevitably confuse people close to you (as they question “why are you working on your “hobby” so much?”).

Sunk cost fallacy can feel very real.

But I try to remember, that every minute spent on my vision makes the monster smaller.

Let’s talk about icebergs — they have much to teach

Most of an iceberg we do not see (90% is beneath the surface).

And that massive chunk below the surface does not have your successes. It’s made up of failures, long nights, slow progress, flopping posts, people unsubscribing, self doubt…etcetera.

But for those that keep showing up, despite all that, something happens…eventually.

You create enough mass to support a small shiny icicle. Suddenly, something becomes visible where before there was nothing (to the casual observer).

The more failures, setbacks, struggles and pain you endure, the bigger your iceberg will be. As long as you don’t quit.

All of this has led me to have a few core beliefs…

Core perspectives for battling creative monsters…

Facing creative monsters is hard. It’s a path full of frustration and fear, setbacks and awkward moments. But it’s also full of lightbulb moments and massive growth, confidence and mastery.

Here are the truths that keep me going in battling these creative monsters:

1. The most successful people fail the most

2. If a path is hard or full of setbacks and struggles, it does not mean it’s the wrong path for you…it means your vision is big (and all truly great things will be difficult)

3. Nobody is more anxious than the ambitious person who creates nothing

4. On building a brand: Everything you do and share online creates mass; with enough mass, you create gravity; with enough gravity, you attract the right people into your orbit…but create nothing, and you’ll have no mass, gravity or people

5. Small steps are bigger than you think (see the image above)

6. The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life (Jessica Hische)

So, what is your creative monster?

What big vision are you pushing to the side or avoiding?

What is your creative monster?

And what small steps can you take to start battling it? How can you turn your battle into a story and share it publicly to attract the right people into your orbit?

Having supporters and fans isn’t necessary, but it is fulfilling, motivating and fun. You’re expanding your meaning and impact in this way.

(reply back — I’d love to hear your story too)

Later ✌️